Is My Relationship Abusive?

Determining if you are in an abusive relationship is very important. While we would like to think that everything will be okay and that it will work out, sometimes this is not the case. The abuser can be of any race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation. The following questions will help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Please call our crisis line if you answer “yes” to any of these questions: 542.1944.

Without spending too much time on each question, go down the list and answer either “yes” or “no” to the following:

Does your partner:

  • Act jealous of your friends, family, past partners, or others in your life?
  • Not see you as an equal (e.g., because he or she is older, or sees him or herself a superior socially or more intelligent)?
  • Prevent you from getting or keeping a job, having access to money, or participating in making financial decisions?
  • Drink or use drugs excessively?
  • Ridicule, embarrass, or humiliate you with bad names, put-downs, or belittling comments?
  • Berate you for not wanting to have sex?
  • Easily lose his or her temper?
  • Make all the decisions, “take over” things you want to handle on your own, or sulk or become angry when you initiate an action or idea?
  • Try to get you drunk or high, or berate you for not wanting to get drunk or high?
  • Lead you to like yourself less or feel bad about yourself after you have been with him or her?
  • Engage in sex with you in a way that feels degrading or humiliating?
  • Throw or break things or destroy your property when angry?
  • Think that in a relationship there are times when violence is okay?
  • Invade your “personal space” (e.g., sits too close, touches you when asked not to, speaks like he or she knows you much better than he or she does)?
  • Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • Try to run or control your life, such as what you do, where you go, whom you see or talk to, whom you are friends with, or how you should look or dress?
  • Use looks, actions, or gestures that make you scared?
  • Seem like “Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde,” that is, kind one minute and cruel the next?
  • Force you to participate in sex or a sexual act against your will?
  • Get angry if you are not always giving him or her your attention?
  • Threaten to hurt or kill your pets or other people?
  • Use guns, knives, or other weapons to intimidate you?
  • Act angry and threatening to the point that you have changed your life to avoid angering him or her?
  • Acknowledge hitting previous partners?
  • Keep you confined or prevent you from leaving?
  • Use weapons or objects or otherwise act aggressively during sex in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable?
  • Ignore you or withhold love and affection in order to get his or her way?
  • Talk negatively about your gender (e.g., “All women are stupid.”)
  • Push, shove, slap, kick, bite, choke, pull your hair, throw you across the room or down on the floor or hit you?
  • Play mind games with you or make you think you are crazy?
  • Think that you are “cheating” if you talk to or dance with someone else?
  • Threaten to harm or kill you?
  • Blame you for his or her abusive behavior, act like it is no big deal, or deny it happened?
  • Force you into dropping, or never filing, criminal charges against him or her?